I wrote this a looong time ago at maybe 15-16 years old and those were valid concerns I had and maybe a little bit of exagerating because let’s be clear that’s what teenagers do. I thought I had surpassed those fears until I started feeling this way again lately… So I decided to post it.
I’m scared. Scared of the unknown, Scared of experiencing something new, Scared of change, Scared of happiness, Scared of love.
I’m scared of getting attached to someone, of being happy, of falling in love.
I’m scared of becoming so dependent on someone that I can’t imagine life without them.
I’m scared of centering my life around this individual and losing myself in the process.
I’m scared of rubbing shoulders with the stars, of reaching the nirvana, of soaring high, very high.
I’m scared of opening my heart, getting loose, letting go, giving my trust, closing my eyes, freeing myself, flying high and… waking up.
I’m scared of the after. Of the consequences, the reality.
I’m scared of falling. Literally falling. Of brutally landing on the cold, hard and ever so real ground. Of breaking my heart into pieces.
I don’t want to cry, blame myself, toss and turn at night, lose sleep and peace of mind.
I don’t want to torture myself and bring myself sorrow. I don’t want to become weak. I don’t want to be hurting.
I refuse that!
Am I scared of living then? Probably…