If I had known, I wouldn’t have signed up for this.
If I had known, I would have run in the other direction.
If I had known, I would have done something, anything to stop it.
I would have frozen the time.
Gotten rid of all of the clocks.
I would have basked in my innocence, my ignorance, my childhood.
I would have never complained about not being independent.
I would have never dreamt of growing up and leaving my parent’s home.
I would have never wished to reach 18 years old.
If I had known what being an adult really entails… I would have never uttered the words “I can’t wait to get out of this house”.
Ever ever ever ever!
But I didn’t know.
And here I am discovering it. This adult thing.
It’s only great the first days really.
The freedom, the independence, the I’m the leader of my own life, the taker of my own decisions, the designer of my own destiny.
And your dreams.
And your friends.
Being crazy and young.
Getting high on this new life.
And then, as you settle into your adulthood, the invisible veil that was hindering your sight starts to disappear.
Progressively, your life starts to take on a new meaning.
The ever so comforting dim lights that were illuminating your world start gaining strength & power.
They are not so comforting anymore.
Not so soothing.
Instead, they are attacking you. Chasing after you. Blinding you.
They are hostile.
Uninviting and upsetting.
They are relentless. Worse than a dog with a bone.
They are looking at you, smirking at you saying : “Welcome to adulthood, kid”
And so it starts.
You’re not the leader of your own life anymore because life has long taken the control of itself.
You’re not the taker of your own decisions because the common sense is taking them for you.
And maybe you’re still the designer of your own destiny. Maybe there’s still hope in that department but you have to hold on to it. Real tight.
Gone are the days of getting high on life.
Now, life is getting high on you.
Oh, how the wheel spins…
They’re still beautiful tho, our lives.
It’s still worth living and dreaming and fighting for.
But dang! I wish someone would have warned me about this whole “being an adult” thing.
Because if I had known… I would have dreamt about doing life without adulting instead of dreaming of leaving my parent’s home.