2 :10 AM.
Those are the numbers I’m reading on my clock as I officially give up on sleeping.
At least for now.
I’ve been tossing & turning for the longest now but sleep has apparently decided to play hide & seek tonight.
So I thought, why not seek it through writing?
Writing that I’ve been abandoning. That I’ve been avoiding.
But tonight… tonight… it has caught up with me.
“No writing, no sleeping” an inside voice tells me.
It is true that lately my heart has been so full, my mind so crowded & my soul so so heavy. It’s a combination of a lot of things & honestly I don’t know all of them. I don’t even know half of them.
The only thing I know is that I’m feeling some kind of way. I’m feeling heavy. I’m feeling nostalgic. I’m feeling feelings. Funny feelings.
And I know I have to write about these funny feelings. I have to get them off my chest but… I can’t.
There’s something blocking me from breaking free of my feelings. Something stealing away my words, my thoughts. Something invisible, mysterious almost mystic but most of all dangerous.
Yes! dangerous because it is taking away my favorite & easiest way of expressing myself. It is taking away my strongest weapon. It is taking away my voice.
And it has to stop. Please make it stop.
Maybe it’s just Blank page syndrom and I’m making a huge deal out of it. Then again, I have never experienced blank page syndrom so I wouldn’t know its symptoms. But even if it was, it’s still horrible.
And I still need it to stop!
So in an effort to beat this mysterious, mystical something blocking me from freeing my soul of my funny feelings, I decided to write about it, at 2:10AM in the morning.
After all, desperate times do call for desperate measures.
And hopefully someday soon I will be able to tell you all about my funny feelings and finally take the weight off my chest but in the meantime I’m just going to try to sleep. At last.
It is, after all, 2:40AM as I’m writing these last words.